Texts From Starkiller

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(716): I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else’s sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope i

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(210): I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn’t happen to know anyt

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(210): I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn’t happen to know anyt

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(217): Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessaril

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(814): I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class

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(920): He’s so drunk he thinks he’s the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts un

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(985): He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it’s safe to s

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(985): He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it’s safe to s

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(804): I love you.(1-804): Bad choice

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(804): I love you.(1-804): Bad choice

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(216): i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.

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(843): You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.

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(989): maybe you met your husband and you just don’t know it yet(917): and other hilarious jok

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(989): maybe you met your husband and you just don’t know it yet(917): and other hilarious jok

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(619): He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like “I’m having coffee too.” \nImagine

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(310): I’m not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.

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(859): I don’t miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He’s all your

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(908): do you think this outfit says “I maintained my dignity this weekend”?

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(410): Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?

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(314): high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am

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(989): These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indicatio

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(201): all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with hi

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(575): wait you like me?? for my personality??(1-575): I know I was surprised too

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(575): wait you like me?? for my personality??(1-575): I know I was surprised too

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(647): From now on he’s gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw

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